Colombia’s "Cocaine Hippos" with "Toxic Feces" Must Be Stopped, Scientists Warn

This story is so good we wish we had made it up.

But it’s real.

Hippos were brought to Colombia by infamous cocaine kingpin Pablo Escobar.

Now the massive beasts have become the largest invasive species on the planet — and scientists warn they could reach dangerous numbers if they aren’t stopped.

“Nobody likes the idea of shooting a hippo, but we have to accept that no other strategy is going to work,” said ecologist Nataly Castelblanco-Martínez.

Escobar was killed in 1993 and Colombian authorities took control of his 7,000-acre estate, including his personal zoo. Four hippos escaped, and now anywhere between 80 and 100 hippos descending from Escobar’s pets are “terrorizing the country’s lakes and rivers.”

Scientists are projecting this hippo population could surge to 1,500 by 2024 if not kept in check because hippos have no natural predators.

Oh, and the hippos also have “toxic” urine and feces which poison the environment and can sicken humans and other animals.

Scientists are debating whether the hippos should be shot or merely castrated.

Castration advocate David Echeverri Lopez, a government environmentalist, said “These hippos have become part of the local identity. But time is running out.”

But Castelblanco-Martínez says no mercy.

“Relocation might have been possible 30 years ago, when there were only four hippos,” Castelblanco-Martínez said. “Castration could also have been effective if officials had provided sufficient resources for the program early on, but a cull is now the only option.”

That’s right men. The only option left is to SHOOT THESE HIPPOS IN THE FACE.

ROLL OUT.

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