The Gift of Nothing

$9.86

Back when the term “gag gift” was coined it meant a gift that was used to pull off a practical joke. This would include things like a whoopee cushion, fake blood, fake puke, itching powder, stink bombs, you get the idea. You would usually gift these items to kids so they could pull gags. Nowadays these items are just called toys and a gag gift means something a little different. Basically, it’s a gift to give someone to make them laugh. But in order to make someone laugh, the gift, which usually incorporates a joke or a pun, needs to be funny.

The Gift of Nothing by the company Jay is not that funny. The real joke is on anyone who would actually pay $10 for this plastic globe thing in some nice packaging. You could just wrap an empty box if you really wanted to pull this joke on someone for a whole lot cheaper. Recently, people who did purchase this from Amazon were mad because what they got in the mail wasn’t the plastic globe of nothing, it was a flat plastic card that said the word “Nothing” on it. I guess the globe was an earlier model but they didn’t update the product picture. What a bunch of crooks, knowing full well they’re cheating hard working people out of their money by selling them nothing.

Hot Dog Toaster

$19.99

I’m not sure yet if this product is weird or genius. I guess it’s a little bit of both. But having a toaster in your kitchen that’s only designed to make you hotdogs is a little impractical in my opinion. Unless you eat hot dogs everyday then you would want this thing. It can cook up to two regular or extra plump hot dogs and toast the buns too. It comes with tongs so you don’t burn your hands and it can cook brats as well. The customer reviews on Amazon are a little mixed. Some people love it but some people say it doesn’t cook the hotdogs all the way through. Regardless, I would put my money on whoever owns this thing used it twice the put it away and completely forgot about it. It’s only $20 though so you decide, but that’s not including shipping.

Wine Condoms

$13.97

I’m sure you’ve heard of flavored condoms. Maybe you’ve even used one or two you dirty freak! Wine Condoms are exactly that, wine flavored condoms for your partner to enjoy. Some of these wine flavored condoms include; “Penis Noir,” “Pussé” and “Shir-ass.” They are perfect for wine lovers to spice up their love lives.

I’m just messing with you. These aren’t wine flavored condoms, though those probably do exist. These are latex coverings you put on your wine bottle when you have already opened it but didn’t finish the bottle. Right now, for a pack of six you pay $13.97. Celebrities like Mila Kunis, Sharon Stone, Amy Poehler and Mellissa McCarthy are big fans of Wine Condoms. Probably because they have money to spare. You could just buy a wine stopper at the store for $2.

Wine For Cats

$4.99 a bottle

Speaking of odd wine products, did you know they make wine for Cats? There’s a few companies out there that sell it. On Amazon you can by a 1.6 oz bottle of CatWine by Pet Winery for just $4.99. It sounds expensive but don’t worry cats don’t need much to get drunk. I bought some and my cat loves it! I do have to make sure she doesn’t drive anywhere though and take her phone away or she’ll drunk call her ex but overall it’s great product. My cat use to be mean but now she just sleeps all the time.

Of course they don’t make real wine for cats. That’s probably illegal. This cat wine isn’t alcoholic, it’s essentially just liquid catnip they can drink. It’s used as a treat for your furry loved one. If you love your cat enough to drop this kind of cash for it to live the high life, go right ahead. But to the rest of us, this is sort of a weird product.

Golf Ball Sack

$16.95

Dirty gag gifts are always the funniest. The MySack Golf Ball Storage Bag is pretty hilarious. You could probably tell by the picture but it looks like a ballsack that you keep your golf balls in. Get it? It’s a sack for balls that looks like a ballsack. It’s practical because it clips right on top of your golf bag so you don’t have to bend down and grab a golf ball way down in the side pouch. It’s a perfect gift for your golf buddy who always tells dirty jokes on the course. It could also be a conversation starter if you come across any sexy lady golfers.

The founder of MySack is a man named Doug Baker. When the housing market crashed in 2007 Doug was in deep trouble. He had no income and owed 10,000 dollars a month in mortgages on multiple houses. He needed money fast so he started brainstorming. He knew he wanted to do something golf related because he loved it so much. Eventually he came up with the idea for MySack and patented it. Now he owns 50 houses because it did so well! Just kidding, I don’t know how many houses this guy owns, but MySack is in thousands of retail stores so he’s got to be doing alright. There’s even a MySack Senior Edition, where the sack is more wrinkly and the balls hang down even lower.

Finger Food Covers

$8.99

Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Cheetos or Doritos only to have chip dust all over the tips of your fingers? It’s just soooo inconvenient to lick the delicious flavor off of them then wash your hands. If this happens to you multiple times a week then you need Finger Covers by the company ChipFingers. You can get them on Amazon for just $13.99 AND free shipping. What a steal! They’re made from food-grade silicone and the unique shape fits any finger. They’re easy to clean and dishwasher safe! Who wouldn’t want these things?

If you haven’t picked up on it yet I’m being a bit sarcastic. Yes, our fingers get dirty when eating chips but paying $14 for something like this is weird to me. I could understand if you are a germaphobic and absolutely hate being dirty, but if you’re not just suck it up and don’t be afraid to get your fingers dirty. The trick I always use is I eat the chips with my non-dominant hand so in case I pick up the remote or have to open up a door I don’t get it dirty with chip dust. Boom, problem solved, and you don’t have to pay me $14. You’re welcome.

Microwave S’mores Maker

$10.81

Ever have the craving for S’mores indoors? Well, now you can with the Microwave S’mores Maker from Prep Solutions. Its innovative design helps make perfect s’mores every time. At least that’s what the infomercial claims. Its ultra high tech patented technology makes it so the marshmallow cooks enough without melting the chocolate too much. Again, that’s what the infomercial says.

Maybe I’m a skeptic but making s’mores in the microwave just doesn’t sound right to me. The whole point of S’mores is that they are toasted. That’s what makes them taste so great, that and the delicious ingredients. Maybe if this was a specific toaster just for s’mores, like that hot dog toaster thing, then I could get on board. Its does seemed reasonably priced though, at just $10.81, I’ll give them that.

Tapi

$10.95

Have you ever been in the situation where you want some water but you don’t want a whole glass? Just a couple of sips would suffice for now. But getting a cup out to just pour a little water is too much hassle because then you got to clean it before putting it back. Well, the brilliant minds at DreamFarm got your back. That’s why they invented the Tapi. It’s the only device in the world that turns your tap water facet into a drinking fountain. You’re just one sneeze away from complete bliss. It’s also made out of water safe rubber so it doesn’t alter the taste of your tap water.

This product is odd to me because I don’t drink from my tap water facet. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else but I live in a city that’s notorious for having bad tap water. I get my drinking water from those filtered water dispensers at the grocery store. After reading the customer reviews I don’t know if I would suggest getting this because overtime mold grows in it and it’s hard to wash. Also, $11 dollars for a piece of rubber seems a little high for me.

Kama Pootra

$8.24 (hard cover) $8.79 (kindle)

The Kama Sutra is the oldest surviving Hindu text on erotic love. It’s an ancient Indian Sanskrit text on sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment. It’s notorious because it’s also a giant sex manual that explains how to do dozens of complicated sex positions; like the Suspended Scissors, the Propeller and the Supernova. Every guy has spent a few hours googling what’s in this book.

So, now that you know what the Kama Sutra is you should check out the Kama Pootra: 52 Mind Blowing Ways to Poop by Daniel Cole Young. Like the Karma Sutra it explains how to do complicated positions, complicated pooping positions that is. Some examples are the Captain, the Wheelbarrow and the One Cheek Lean. It’s a great way to make your number 2’s not so boring. I mean all you do is sit there on your phone anyways, why not try out some new techniques? The book is $8.24 for the hard cover version and $8.79 for the Kindle version. I don’t know how the hell the Digital version of the book is more expensive but I guess Kindle people got money.

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